Do you ever find yourself talking to things... that can't talk back? No? Right, um, me either. But let's say that you did, and one of the things you talked to was your logo. Presenting... Interview with a Logo:
Hi, logo. Thanks for joining us today. I'd like to just jump right in, if that's okay.
"Sure, let's get started!"
How do you feel when you're small?
"At small sizes I feel insignificant, illegible, overlooked."
Uh oh, that's too bad. One requirement of a good logo is that it scales well. That means it should be identifiable even at small sizes, because there are cases where it will need to be tiny.
Do you feel dated?
"Are you calling me old?"
No, not at all. And actually, there's nothing wrong with being "old", as long as you're still relevant. On the contrary, having strong established brand recognition is a good thing!
"Okay, just checking. Hold on while I adjust my groovy polyester leisure suit and put on my platform shoes. I've got a hot disco planned with that foxy lady over there in the hot pants, ya dig?"
Yeah, logo, I dig. Except, I have to tell you it's time to hang up your bell bottoms. There's nothing inherently wrong with being old, but when you start to date yourself, others will assume that you're stuck in the past and out-of-touch with modern realities. A good logo should not be overtly trendy, and should only be reminiscent of a specific time period if there is a deliberate branding reason you'd want to communicate such.
Do you ever feel misunderstood?
"All the time, man. I see the stares, the confused faces. The squinting trying to read my name. I hear the whispers, 'What is that, exactly?' Some people think I'm a cloud, others think I'm a bush. One guy thought I was an inside-out umbrella. I just want to be me; is that too much to ask?"
No, logo it's not. So what are you exactly? What do you represent?
"Well I must admit, I'm not too sure. I've always had a bit of an identity crisis."
Logo, I'm going to have to cut this interview short, because quite honestly, I think you've missed your calling. You're the exact opposite of what a logo should be. It's quite unfortunate that you're illegible at small sizes, ambiguous at legible sizes, and trendy to the point of being dated. And with all those color gradients and fades, I'm willing to bet you don't reproduce well.
"Hey now, watch it. I ain't got no trouble reproducing. Just ask Foxy Hotpants over there, ya dig?"
Oh, you jive turkey, you. Thanks for joining us today, and best of luck... (I think you'll need it).